It’s been a while.
A lot of things have happened since my last post! I finally got my tumor removed and I got the results of the biopsy! My tumor ended up being benign! Yay! So once I have the money for it, I will be ordering my first binder! I’m also looking into finally taking the plunge and getting my hair cut the way I’ve always wanted it but I just worry with my face being so round, that I won’t be able to pull it off. -sigh- I dunno, I like being able to pull my hair up and I think growing out the cut I want will be uncomfortable for me. I also spent my champagne birthday in bed recovering, which bummed me out a bit. But my one housemate did get me a fucking adorable unicorn cake, which cheered me up some. It was really a perfect cake and tasty! I’m hoping to make up for having a meh birthday sometime soon but I don’t know exactly how to yet.
This year I didn’t really get to celebrate Pride in the way I wanted to. To be fair, getting that tumor removed was top priority but I can still be upset that it fucked up my plans. This was the first NYC Pride that I’ve missed since I turned 18. I tried watching some of the live stream but it was just too cringe-y for me. Especially when Michelle Visage said the “A” in LGBTQIA+ stood for allies……way to continue to promote asexuality erasure! Ugh. That wasn’t the deciding factor to turn it off though, I just started feeling very depressed that I couldn’t be there this year to show support. Now more than ever I feel that as a queer, trans person I need to be more visible and show that the current political climate can’t silence me.
I did go to a local Pride Festival and that was certainly something. Because my surgery was two days prior to the festival, I decided to use a wheelchair and have my partner push me. It was just too painful to walk and you never really realize how much the muscles in your abdomen do until you get a chunk taken out. Anyways! People were so incredibly rude! My partner had a hard time pushing me around because even when I said excuse me…no one moved! It was really frustrating. Other than that I did have a lot of people taking my picture this year and coming up to me to give me a hug or a high five. A lot of people also told me how awesome my sign was and how true it was. My sign had my favorite part of the song C.L.A.T., that was released by Peppermint, Aja, Sasha Velour, and Alexis Michelle from Season 9 of RuPaul’s Drag Race*, and a few people even knew where my quote was from! The lyric I chose was: “Gender is a construct, tear it apart” from Sasha Velour’s verse on the track. Her verse in that song and her whole existence makes me so happy.
It was also my housemates’ first Pride festival, which was adorable. I wish we were able to stay longer but I ended up getting really sick from being in the sun, having a stomach virus that came out of the blue, and from my medications. But they had a good time and that’s all that matters. The three of us made bracelets that morning and I ended up giving someone one of mine. I usually make like 50-60 bracelets to hand out but with surgery and everything, I didn’t have the time or energy to.
Seventeen magazine put out a video on their Facebook page about nonbinary and genderqueer people, which I thought was pretty well done. It was short but a lot of what was said hit home. So I’m going to end this post with three quotes (two are partial quotes) from the video that really hit home:
“Just because I may present more femme doesn’t mean that I’m any less “they/them.”
“….and so in using their correct pronouns you are validating that yes you are right in your identity and you are important and we’re respecting you.”
“and I know personally when I get misgendered by strangers its one thing but its especially painful when its people who are close to you…..”
Thank you all for reading!
* Before anyone jumps down my throat about how Drag Race and drag is problematic, I know and all the discussions and article I’ve read on the subject make 100% completely valid points. But for me, drag is almost how I see my gender presentation. Being a nonbinary femme boy to me is very much like being in drag all the time. I’m sorry if that bothers anyone but that’s how I view my gender. You don’t have to agree with it or even like it.